Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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