Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
