i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
