What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
