Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
