Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
