i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
