So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
