She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
