She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
