Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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