got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
