If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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