we made out on top of his cat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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