For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
