There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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