how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize