Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
