Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
