Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
