Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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