It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize