go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
