SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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