Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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