why didn't you poke me back
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
