You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
