you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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