Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would fuck him just for his dog
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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