Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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