I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
