i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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