So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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