I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
