She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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