the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
