It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
