Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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