Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
