Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
