it wasn't lemon gatorade
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
