i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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