Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
