Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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