Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
