Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize