TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
