The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He did a backflip because drugs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
