wrigley field is MILF paradise
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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