Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
