another moral hangover. fuck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
