think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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