i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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