another moral hangover. fuck.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
