She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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