i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
