i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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