I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
