Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
