obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
