You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize