dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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