you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this beer tastes like vomit already
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
