I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
