If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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