hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
