even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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