And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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