i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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