finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize